Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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