i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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