Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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