You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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