So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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