before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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