She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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