pop tarts are not kleenex
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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