DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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