Don't you send me to vm
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
