dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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