Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
