So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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