I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
