Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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