i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
