I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
