Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
