i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl