Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
