I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
