I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
