But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize