Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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