If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
