I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
