one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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