He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
