This is not my ceiling
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
