I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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