You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
