she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
