margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
