In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
