Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
