Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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