but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
