Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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