I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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