When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
