I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
