Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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