if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
