Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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