Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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