Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
