Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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