My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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