Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
