but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You can't motorboat a personality
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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