How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
