Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
