im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
