Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
