recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
