i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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