What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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