You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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