My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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