it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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