no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
