Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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