hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize