Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Every concussion has its silver lining
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
