no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
