How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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